"Theres last hits, and then theres last hits.."

I just finished the movie "Trainspotting". It's an amazing movie about a heroine addict who tries to quit. I used to be addicted to heroine, a couple years ago, and watching this movie made me realize how bad it is. Sure, I mean it's even quoted in the movie, "People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it. When you're on junk you have only one worry..." I look at it now and the only thing that I think of is how much of a failure I was. I felt like I was failing at life, so i turned to smack. That just made me fail more, but having the feel good feeling all the time, I was very unaware of how bad I was. Sure, I saw plenty of other people doing it, but some part of me thought that it was ok. I was no fucking chipper, I was a fucking channel swimmer. My own cousin used to give me wings all the time. I even OD'd, I think that had a huge part on my trying to quit, That and my girlfriend and my cousin Sarah. The girlfriend didnt know what I was doing, because I knew that it would really upset her, and she has enough to deal with. I'm just happy that I stopped. When I OD'd, I got carried to the hospital by 3 friends who were also bombed, and one sober friend who had to drive, I had to get a shot of adrenaline to get me started again. The guy in the movie Od'd and had to have some too. Watching the guy being dragged down the stairs by his dealer, being loaded into a taxi, and then ultimitly being "dropped off" at the hospital doors for medics to pick him up made me feel like crying. Then seeing the guy being carried through the hospital on a plank and being given that shot and springing back up again deff made me cry. But!, the movie turned out great, ***SPOILER ALERT!!!***WARNING: THE FOLLOWING REST OF THE BLOG ENTRIE IS NOTHINGGG BUT SPOILERS =]*** The guy ended up stopping heroin and refrencing back to a quote he made at the beggining of the movie, which made it fantastic. I love when movies do that. Here they are:

Beggining: Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?


END: So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers, all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person, but that's going to change, I'm going to change. This is the last of this sort of thing. I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you: the job, the family, the fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die.